Technical gremlins ...

Life as I know it has ceased to exist ....

My iPhone has died.

It's a disaster on the same scale as the great Wispa shortage of 2008.

What's more worrying is that I actually felt a huge wave of panic when it dawned on me that I was going to be without that valuable lump of plastic for a few days. Seriously, I'm talking a million thoughts running through my head in way too short a space of time, like 'ohmygodwhatifsuchandsuchcalls' - the lack of space indicates that I didn't breathe either.

I've calmed down now, sort of.

Fingers crossed by 7pm on Saturday I'll once again be in possession of my hypothetical left arm, and life will once again be filled with mobile Viber, Facebook and Whatsapp. Phew.

It has got me thinking though, maybe it's just me and really I'm overthinking this completely, but the mass panic I felt for a split second is quite worrying. I mean, what did we do before mobile phones and social networking? We actually spoke to people face to face, do we do that much nowadays?

I suppose I'm at a bit of a disadvantage as a lot of the people I "speak" to on a daily basis aren't in face to face distance, be it a nearby town or halfway across Europe, so for that I have a good excuse, but my reaction was a tad extreme in hindsight. My first thought was that it would be sod's law that in the couple of days I was incommunicable, a message I've been waiting for beyond hope for a month now would appear and get lost in the ether of broken phones. It's not gonna happen, but it would be just my bloody luck for it to happen right at that moment.

I'm ever hopeful, you can't ever accuse me of pessimism.

So now I've stopped hyperventilating, I can concentrate, albeit with a slightly shaky hand thanks to going cold turkey from my beautiful sparkly, pink, phone, on my upcoming weekend. This weekend I will actually have a life. Yes, one of those things that everyone else seems to have but I only find occasionally. I think they call it a social life, but I can't be sure because it evades me somewhat.

My friend is visiting from Norway so I will be venturing out of the house and not returning until after curfew on not one, but two nights. Yes, I know, I'm a rebel. I also fully intend to get completely trollied on overpriced vodka, simply because I can. Yes, I know, I don't drink in this country, I save that gem for getting high-pitched in Turkey, but I ain't going easternly for another 8 weeks and this girl needs to be numb, forget, and to feel good for a few hours at least. There's been a few too many tears lately for my liking, it's time to smile a little, for one weekend at least - before I go back to being friend-less because everyone from the 'Shire has abandoned me. 

Happy days.

Juggling with a pineapple, and other weird events

As I sit here drinking my yummy double choca mocha, I know for the first time all week, I am actually safe. Well, kind of, I suppose said drink could decide to throw itself all over my netbook, but other than that, yes, quite safe.

Why? I hear you ask. Have I been chased across the shire by gangsters? Am I being stalked (well sort of, but we'll get to that later)? No. I have turned into officially the clumsiest person in the world this week.

Now, I'm not normally like this, but this week for some unknown reason, I am disaster central. The first incident was very narrowly averted, and thank god, because it could have been bloody expensive. Let's just say that pineapple in a box with juice + new iPhone = do not mix. On the plus side, it smells nice. On the even bigger plus side, it's still working. Can you imagine the bill to have that fixed?! Makes me shudder even thinking about it.

I've had stumbles, twisted ankles, twisted knee, spillages, dropping stuff, walking into doors (yes really, with no vodka involved), and not being able to get my words out. So I've decided I'm hormonal. And that shall be my excuse for every single mistake I make ever, every falling out I have and anything else I deem it necessary to blame it on. Perfect excuse. You can't help your hormones.

So aside from being a walking disaster, albeit smelling rather fruity, I've been mostly falling out with a woman I've never met on eBay. This is actually nothing to do with hormones, and everything to do with ..... well, I don't know what, but it's not good. Now, I'm about to start ranting, so bear with me, but why, oh why is it okay for someone to claim they've never received the item you sent and get their money back because of it, but I can't defend myself?! I didn't have a leg to stand on (that's a saying by the way, not another of my clumsy episodes), and now this person who I've never met, and quite frankly don't want to meet, has a really nice top free of charge. I am without a really nice top and a fiver worse off. How does that work?! Then! Then someone decided not to pay me, yet that's alright, they can get off scott free, literally, just because they didn't bother answering the dispute. Erm, how come eBay can take a fiver out of my account and force the issue, but they can let this non-paying person get away with it?! It's a world-wide injustice I tell you. I hereby declare that I shall not be selling anything on eBay ever again.

Of course, I've said this many times before and always done it again .....

But anyway. Rant over.

The love life is still dire. It's like a weekly update that never changes this, but semi-stalker is still at it. I'm ignoring him now, I've decided it's the way forward. I tried to be nice, I tried to explain why I didn't want to go and look at his artwork, literally, but he was having none of it. I tried telling him I was mentally scarred by the ex, didn't work. I even tried telling him I was going to a convent because of previous bad experiences - nothing. So I've lapsed into silence and shall stay that way until he gets the message. This could take some time by the looks of it.

Where do I find these people?!

On the plus side, I've been holiday clothes shopping this week. Yes, again, don't roll your eyes. I'm on a mission to have a totally different look to last year's jollies - this is a new start. Yes, last year's escapades were amazing, wonderful in many ways, but this is a new year, and deserves several new maxi dresses and a few playsuits. Unfortunately it seems the Great British Highstreet, doesn't want me to have several maxi dresses and a few playsuits, because they either sell out or want to squeeze me into a size 6 - yeah, hilarious, never gonna happen. So it seems online shopping and (whisper the world quietly) eBay is the way forward. My bank balance is groaning, it seems trying to pay it off whilst adding to it doesn't work, hmmm, funny that. On the brighter side, at least I'll look nice.

So anyway, as it seems I've managed the last hour sat here without any major disaster happening, I think I'll test the theory and venture outside .... wish me luck.