Monday, 16 April 2012

Dastardly deeds are afoot


That's my attempt at some sort of evil genius laugh by the way, but why you wouldn't have got that the first time is beyond me, honestly, it's quite obvious.

I shall explain.

I have a plan. A fantastic plan that will bring me many things, such as:
a) closure
b) satisfaction
c) baggier fitting clothes
d) eternal happiness

Okay, the last one might be a bit hopeful/borderline crazy but the rest stand.

Yes people, I am on a mega diet. It is day 1, granted, but hell I feel goooood! Okay, I'm ravenous, slightly delerious, and am writing this post purely as a distraction from the contents of the biscuit tin. BUT! But I have stuck to points today! My stomach is gurgling very loudly as I type this, so that's got to be progress. And I will continue to tell myself this until the scales read about 5 pounds lighter than they do at the moment.

Oh good lord, I wish I'd been blessed with thin genes. Alas, I was not, I am doomed to work hard at maintaining a healthy BMI for the rest of my days.

But anyway, back to my evil genius plan.

I have around two months until my bikini is forced into the light of day. That is plenty of time to streamline a little more and achieve said bikini body. However, the plan is about much more than not scaring people on the beach, oh yes, the plan is a form of ..... would you call it revenge? Hmm, maybe, but whatever it is, it'll be damn good.

Oh god, there gurgles the stomach again.

But anyway, the plan, yes the plan is designed to show the boy, yes him again, just what he lost. Oh it will be sweet, believe me. I shall make him rue the day he decided to only very infrequently call me throughout the entire winter, albeit with nice words when he finally decided to get his arse to a computer, leaving me sobbing into my pillow for much of the first few months of it, and then randomly last night when I had a rather ill-timed, and out of the blue wobble. I blame that Pink song, you know, the one I couldn't listen to for a while? Yeah, turns out it's still not so great even now. But anyway, onwards and upwards.

My line is drawn, it is done, but oh, come on ladies, who hasn't wanted to sashay past their ex looking every inch the glossy, groomed, svelte princess? I shall be the one that got away. And matey, you will rue the day, believe me.

I think I might have gone a bit crazy through lack of food. Don't worry though, I'm not going crazy crash diet mad, I know what I'm doing, I've done it before plenty of times, I'm a sensible girl and all that. But give it a few weeks and I'll be a sensible, thinner girl, with new glossy hair, the definite abscence of that rogue spot on my chin and a nose piercing that won't be as red as it is at the moment. I shall be flawless.

Sort of.

The one who made my heart thud and flutter, made me go back to Marmaris three times in the space of a few months, hence making my bank balance look a lot thinner than me, and the one who ruined my Christmas because I couldn't get him out of my head - he shall shake his head and go 'what was I thinking letting her go?' or whatever the Turkish is for that. Because believe me, I've realised this lately, he lost a good 'un, and short of a near miracle in the form of a total personality transplant and a time machine to change all the bad, he lost her for good, and that's really quite sad.

So roll on breakfast time, I'm bloody starving.

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