Saturday, 31 December 2011
New Year's Eve already, wow, that came around fast.
For the record, I HATE New Year's Eve. I just feel like there's far too much expectation and it never lives up to it, plus taxis are hideously expensive, and you have to pay it because you can't walk very far in killer heels. So I am staying in, I'm going to eat chinese and chocolate (although not together, thankfully), and I'm going to do some serious internet research on finding my way in this hideously complicated, and up to now, unfulfilling world.
I'm 30 year next year. Tomorrow I will have to say "I'm 30 in July", because it won't be 'next year' anymore. That is bloody scary. Reality check. Time for Nicky to get off her arse, stop procrastinating and actually DO something. I will say what I want to do is not as simple as jumping on a plane, it's not the first time this week I've had to say that either, because stupid little old me got herself landed with a nice loan for the next three years. But there has to be a way, right? And this evening's festivities involve me finding said way. And find it I will, because by god I need a distraction, and fast.
2011 has been strange. I can't say it's been a great year to be honest, it's been full of upheaval and worry, but it's also had it's major high points. I guess the best way to describe it is a year of high highs and low lows. It's taught me a lot of lessons. It's also taught me that love is a bloody painful thing and it might be best if in future I just don't bother with it. Either that or check into a nunnery, although I believe we've investigated this idea before and decided the uniform isn't flattering enough. However, if I have to hear Adele's 'Someone Like You' once more, I may decide sod the uniform and hot-foot it there sharpish.
In my last blog, I poured out my little heart about my current situation that I like to call "dire". Yes, it is still dire. No, I haven't heard anything. Yes, I'm stressed. BUT, but I have done something proactive. I've laid it on the line and I'm prepared to have to walk away. In fact, I may already have one foot out of the door, because I know how this is going to end if I'm honest. So I guess that's progress. It's hellish if I'm honest, I've been thinking of next year in Marmaris and the thought of not seeing him makes me come over all strange, I've told my friend she will have to literally handcuff herself to me, just to stop me ambling my way down there. But I won't go. Because if it's over, it's done with forever.
It's just really sad.
But that's life I guess.
Anyway, 2012. I figure if I'm going to distract myself with anything, then it might as well be something useful and constructive, and my future is a pretty constructive thing to start with.
The last set of commandments I made didn't work so well, they're pretty much what landed me in this situation, so these ones are going to be easier to achieve:
1. Finish my book. At the moment that isn't an easy thing to do, because of the subject matter, but I guess I'll get over it, it might even be therapy.
2. Learn Turkish, at least a basic grasp. And no, I dont mean just swear better.
3. Don't spend money on random crap, because it really would help if everytime I paid something off my credit card, I didn't add to it again.
4. Catch up with those friends I neglected this year by being far too involved with matters of the heart.
5. If I find a way to move to the place that shall not be named, then I will DO IT, and I won't pussyfoot around trying to figure out if it's what I really want after all, because it is.
6. Be more positive.
7. Visit one place at least that isn't inside Turkey. This may need the help of Miss Vanja Holm .....
8. But get my backside out of the country as much as possible and live a little. This will probably mean that the visa guys at Dalaman airport will be seeing quite a lot of me over the next 12 months.
And that's it. Eight resolutions. How many of these will I keep?
I don't think they're impossible, not like that last lot, they were made for breaking, and I won't lie, I had a lot of fun breaking them.
So Happy New Year to you all, I hope the next 12 months bring you everything you wish for, and I hope you stick to your resolutions for longer than a week. Now I'm off to watch hideous New Year's Eve TV, how many 100 greatest moment shows can they find?!